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Everyone has fears. Some fears are healthy and some keep you stuck. They keep you from doing something, deep down, you really want to do.
For a long time, I was fearful to hike and run because I didn’t want my back to hurt again. Once, when I was a wildland firefighter, I was too fearful to ride in a helicopter with a crew I had never met before to get an aerial view of the burned area. I took a trip to Baja Mexico once and found myself on an amazingly beautiful, remote beach with only time and my snorkel equipment. I was too afraid of the water to go explore the reef and tropical fish in a place I will never find myself again.
I’ve learned to meet most of my fears head on and go after what I want. However, sometimes fears rear their ugly head in unexpected places and can be hard to reconcile.
The day I found out that Gretel had Intervertebral Disk Disease (IVDD), I thought her hiking days were over. I was beyond ecstatic when the vet told me, with the proper rehab, she could be out on the trails again. I patiently waited for 6 weeks while she was on crate rests for the day she could venture out.
I was so excited when I go the go-ahead to start taking her on trails. I took her on her first short hike last week. She went nuts bounding through the grass and trying to chase birds. She was like a pinball on the end of the leash. Then came the fear.
The plan was that I would watch her after that first hike and, if she seemed to do ok, we would do one that was a little harder a couple of days later. We didn’t.
I’ve been watching Gretel like a hawk since that first hike. I was so worried that she would have a setback and we would have to start the recovery process all over. Worse, I imagined her bounding through the grass and suddenly being paralyzed. Any soreness or stiffness from the first hike was very minimal or possibly imagined. I put off the second hike though because I kind of wanted to keep her in her little bubble at home. I let my fear stop us.
We have a pretty realistic rehab team. Their goal is not to have me 100% prevent her from doing things that may hurt her. They want me to minimize easily controllable things like jumping off the couch at home but they know it’s going to happen occasionally no matter how hard I try. They don’t want me to stop her from things that are a tad risky but that have more benefit to them than than negative possibilities (like hiking). Instead, their aim is to make her stronger so her body will be prepared to handle those things and she won’t hurt herself doing them.
I know that I can’t treat her like glass just because she has IVDD and that doing so a) won’t prevent re-injury and b) would make life less enjoyable for her.
In my case, I eventually found “miracle” running shoes that allow me to run without the back pain (I’ll share more about that another time). My passion for hiking overcame my fear of hurting myself and I started getting out on the trails more. I pushed myself physically past where I was afraid to go before. You know what? Not only did it not hurt, I started feeling better and stronger than I had in a long time. Although it wasn’t the same beach, the last time I was in Mexico I pushed through my hyperventilating episode, stuck my face in the water, and swam around in a coral cove to explore the underwater forest (there were even stingy stingrays and stuff!).
I spoke with the rehab doctor about my fears for Gretel now that she’s beginning to hike again. They checked out her motor skills, muscle tightness, and said she was the same as she has been before that first, little hike. They reminded me what signs would indicate that I need to back off on Gretel’s hike training. I asked them to review some of the strengthening exercises so I was sure I was doing them right. I’m having trouble figuring out how to consistently fit her exercises into my schedule so I’m signing us up for a weekly conditioning class until the habit has formed.
Bit-by-bit I whittled away at the source of my fear around Gretel hiking. Yesterday we finally took that second hike. It was longer, and Gretel was just as nuts on the leash, but it didn’t seem to phase her. She was one happy dog.
My point is that fears are a natural thing but you shouldn’t let that stop you from doing what you want to do. Maybe you can’t run a marathon but you can start with a 5k… and them maybe do more. Maybe you’ve not comfortable with a 5-mile hike but you can take more walks in the wooded park by your house until you are.
Facing fears is all about setting up your circumstances to minimize the fear and then doing it anyway. I would argue that if there isn’t a little fear involved, it’s really not an adventure.
Is there something you want to do but are afraid to?
K-koira says
It is hard when you have a dog who is injured or sick to be sure that they are fully recovered enough to be back in the world. In Koira’s case, she had kennel cough last fall, and I kept her sitting out probably about 2 weeks longer than any realistic vet would have recommended. But I was scared of her passing it on to other dogs. Especially in the dog sport world, while there isn’t a stigma about your dog having kc per se, there is about bringing them back into public afterwards. And even if, say, she got it at the park, and then, after fully recovered, she returns to activities, and then another dog at practice or a tournament or whatever gets it and Koira was there, there can be a lot of judging from people, and some people can be outright hostile about it.
Jessica Rhae says
That makes sense and sounds like a tough situation. Sounds like it was better to be safe than sorry. I am sure those extra two weeks felt like an eternity though.
Debra Venhaus says
Thank you for the inspiration. My favorite “fear” quotes:
Per Eleanor Roosevelt:
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear int he face. … You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
And Mark Twain:
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Thanks to you and to Gretel for inspiring me to get back out running after an injury-induced prolonged absence, and to get back to hiking and maybe conquering my fear of those boulders on Pilchuck. Yay to you and Gretel in her recovery and return to FUN!
Jessica Rhae says
It makes my day to hear we inspired you 🙂 My favorite courage quote is from Helen Keller – “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
As a side note, I’ve never hiked Pilchuck. I drove to the top with an ex-boyfriend but that’s it. It’s not fear stopping me though, it’s lack of time 🙂 And now it’s that Gretel can’t do a hike that hard at least until mid or late summer.
Dachshund Nola says
Loved this. As someone who struggles daily with an anxiety disorder, I can relate to this fully. I’m getting much better about pushing through fear, but it’s always there. In some ways, it makes things much more rewarding when I do power through.
Glad Gretel is enjoying her hikes!
Jessica Rhae says
I didn’t know you lived with anxiety. My little brother has a terrible time with it and my hubby, although he deals with it well, is a super anxious person. I’m sure Nola helps you through a lot of it 🙂 The most rewarding things are when we are scared but do them anyway I think.
Mary Hone says
Sometimes my anxiety tries to take over, and mostly I beat it back with a stick. That first day I met you off the ferry, almost didn’t happen. I was worried all night about taking the dogs. Would Torrey freak out on the ferry, would Roxy be OK. Obviously it was a fun day and I would have missed seeing all the cool things if I hadn’t gone.
Jessica Rhae says
I’m so glad you did it anyway. Had I known though, I would have rode across to meet you and helped on the way back if it was needed. It’s ok to ask for a little extra help when you are fearful 🙂
My hubby has talked a lot about SCUBA diving since we’ve been together. I happen to be afraid of the water (being under it anyway). In college, one of my classmates was a dive instructor and she offered to give a beginner class to those of us interested. I jumped on it because I knew Shawn would love it. I was so wrapped up in making him happy that I forgot to mention my fear of water to her. I actually kind of forgot myself. As we were getting ready to get in the pool I started shaking a bit so I told her about my fear. She said I should have told her earlier and she would have given me a private lesson so we could work thorough it. I powered through it anyway and managed to “endure” half of the class before I had reached my “face the fear” limit 🙂 I probably would have made it through the whole class had I told her earlier.
Hailey and Zaphod says
I live with fear of a lot of things. I pick things that make me fearful and tackle them. We are attending BAR next month. I have a lot of fears around this . . . . but I am sure it will be fine.
Jessica Rhae says
I have a magnet on my fridge that says, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I don’t manage to do it every day but it reminds me to face my fear when it comes up. Good luck to you!
Mary Fay says
Dear Jessica, Thx so much for the “push”. I am a music therapist, mother, wife and recent rescuer of 3 mini doxies! My oldest daughter was a drug addict,turned out… Very sick bipolar 1 individual. After 9 yrs of 6/7 psychiatric hospital stays, she/we seem to have a better handle on keeping her stable. I had to quit my job, take care of my aging parents, (Dad passed 6 mos ago) and Mom still lives in our small cottage at 88. Needless to say, I got my first doxie…love! Then 3 now 3! I also suffer from anxiety, the fear of the next horrible thing happening, but these dogs have been my therapy!
I just got over that “fear” of what people would think if I had so many dogs! I don’t care anymore, I’m doing this for me and I’m happy and I’m not as afraid????
Jessica Rhae says
Ugh… that all sounds so tough. I’m sorry. Dachshunds sure have a way of wiggling into your heart and making things better. I know that, even when I just have a stressful day at work, 5 minutes of Chester and Gretel kisses can make everything better. Good for you for doing what you need for you and saying “heck with you” to everyone else that might judge.
Emma says
Fear can be useful as long as it doesn’t control you. Glad Gretel is back hiking! You have to do what is right for your situation, and it needs to be your decision not what others think.
Cupcake says
Yay for hike #2! Sometimes you have to dive in. Be as ready as you can and just dive in. Well done. Stay strong, G.
Love and licks,
Cupcake
Hannah says
Can’t think of anything that I’m not doing just because of fear. Some stuff that I’m not doing because of logistics (I want to go up the North Tripyramid slide! But not during ice season!) and otherwise just not being ready (I want to take the dogs camping! But probably they should be able to comfortably hang out in the same room for many hours before I try stuffing them in a tent!). But nothing on the wishlist right now is especially scary.
I’ve gone through stretches of life, though, when *everything* scared me. I have relatively little physical fear compared to most people I know, but relatively more social and general anxiety. So there have been times when I’ve made myself a very firm rule that I couldn’t not do something just because it scared me. Other reasons, sure. But not plain-and-simple fear. And I admit that I’ve very consciously developed the habit of driving *towards* things that scare me. I get away with it because planning and preparation are my main coping mechanisms; I’m not likely to kill myself (or my animals!) in blind pursuit of a thrill. It’s had the nifty side effect, though, of helping me get comfortable with being scared and of helping me figuring out how to push my comfort zones enough to increase them without traumatizing myself. Fear’s just information; it’s a really useful friend if you can figure out how to listen and talk to it.
I like this post. I hope you and the pup have many wonderful hikes.
Jessica Rhae says
Good for you for going for stuff. I am like that too. If I fear something, I see that as a flag waving that says “you need to come do this”. Fear still pops up on sneaky places though. It never even crossed my mind (in fact, I thought the opposite would be true) that I would feel so fearful in this situation. As I said, I regrouped and tackled the fear though… just like always 🙂
Dolly the Doxie says
I can truly understand your fear to take Gretel hiking again, let alone a second tine. All the hard work you put into her rehab to think it might have to start again is very scary. But you handled it so well and sounds like you are on the right track. I found out one of the screws in my spine cracked, after weeks/months of back pain coming back. talk about fear! I was at the neursurgeon’s right away but guess I’m okay. I don’t think having a fused spine has given me a fear of doing things but I realize there are things I probably shouldn’t do like jump out of an airplane.
Jessica Rhae says
Oh, no! Sorry to hear about the screw in your back. I totally understand how much back pain sucks… and I am sure that mine was never as bad as yours. I’m glad you made it to the doctor and he gave you the Ok.
The thing with Gretel is just a weird experience for me. I’m nervous to take her on a hike. Then I’m nervous that I’m not walking and hiking enough with her to keep her strong… so she’ll get hurt. My mind can’t make up it’s mind. Ha, ha. They’re just interesting feelings I have to work through 🙂